


Infernal Words

by mansikka



Series: Filling In The Gaps [37]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 06:40:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14051160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Filler-y stuff for 3x01





	Infernal Words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) first, a general squeal for season three to finally be with us and the beautiful Malec content we received last night <3<3<3 And second, this rushed thing came to me during a second (third?) rewatch. 
> 
> :) x

It isn't every day you get an offer of promotion, Alec thinks as he steps back through the portal from Idris into the Institute with a sigh. He's still a little numb for it, really, sure another version of him that previously existed would think the moment the greatest achievement of his life.

Once, this offer would be confirmation of his hard work, proof that he was fulfilling his purpose, and doing all he could to follow his life's plan. But now, he has other things to consider, beyond duty, and honor. He has his own life now, one far beyond just _serving_. He has interests, hobbies, even friends outside the Institute. And more important than any of those things, he has _Magnus_.

Alec sighs to himself, slumping into the chair at his desk in his office, and going over the stack of paperwork that's been accumulating in the short time he's been gone. He wants to be _home_ ; he wants to be home with _Magnus_ , has plans for sweeping him up in a hug and not letting go again until that nervous _tick_ he has for being away from him calms.

But Magnus hasn't answered his message to say he'd finished in Idris, so Alec assumes he must be busy with his own business. Alec aches to just go to him, but knows he'll settle and be freer to give Magnus his full attention if he clears a little of this work, and thinks it's also better to leave Magnus to finish his own.

In truth, Alec sighs, sorting through the pages and prioritizing them, this potential promotion could not have been more inconveniently timed. He and Magnus, they're good, and they're whole, have begun to work through the issues that led to those _fights_ leaving them stronger than ever. Alec knows his life is supposed to be with Magnus, and there is no doubt in his mind that Magnus doesn't feel the same. But this offer could put further strain on them, and the Angel knows Alec doesn't know how to be away from Magnus now for any extended length of time.

Alec imagines waking in a cold bed without Magnus, of the light streaming in from the sun above Idris and starting his day without Magnus by his side. It's not official, but he all but lives in Magnus' apartment, has more personal effects there than he's ever had here in the Institute. He feels _home_ when he is in the loft, although, Alec thinks with a wry, out loud laugh to himself, perhaps it's just _Magnus_ that feels like home, wherever he is.

He needs to talk to Magnus about the possibility that is Idris. Alec needs to know what Magnus is thinking; even if he already thinks he's made up his mind. And if he works through just a couple of hours of this work in front of him, then he can go home, and _stay_ home. The thought of an uninterrupted evening with Magnus is all the draw he needs; Alec checks his phone to make sure there are no missed messages then picks up a pen, and begins to write.

* * *

There is a voice in the apartment that Alec doesn't recognize when he lets himself in, high and laughing as whoever they are say their goodbyes. Alec's plan of walking in to kiss Magnus senseless the moment he's closed the door behind him is rudely stolen by this stranger in his home. Alec is bemused more than worried, but heads to the apothecary anyway, always fascinated with the tasks that make up Magnus' work even if he constantly fails to identify half the things in jars and on shelves.

Something is wrong.

There is always a kiss or hug in greeting, so when Magnus rises from his chair and darts around the room, Alec is immediately on guard. There's barely a hello; Magnus isn't even making eye contact with him. Quick glances just off to the side and forever flitting as though he doesn't trust what he might do if he keeps still. In fact, Alec thinks, Magnus was unsettled the second he stepped in the room as though _he_ might be the problem; standing to move around and away from him as Alec stood at the end of his desk in the spot he usually assumes.

"But since I've been dismissed—"

Alec's mind loses the end of Magnus' sentence as he tries to absorb the beginning, convincing himself he can't have heard him right. But then Magnus is putting the physical barrier of that bookshelf between them, ducking so there can be no eye contact at all. He's dismissive, spinning his tale in oversimplified words in a voice that doesn't sound right.

"—elated," Alec catches, a second before he's catching an olive instead; deliberate, Alec knows, but also knows to let Magnus talk about this when he's ready. Alec knows he's avoiding him, and the subject, hasn't found the words to bring this devastating change to his world just yet. So Alec follows him, listens and monitors and wonders if it will be minutes or hours before Magnus trusts himself to talk, or if this is one of those occasions he'll need to do a little prompting.

Alec tells himself he's not disappointed that there's not a kiss next to Magnus' cocktail table. That in Magnus' attempts to run away from his truth he doesn't even fix a second glass. He crosses the room, clutching his drink like a lifeline; something Alec knows to look for as a sign of Magnus being particularly stressed.

There's no kiss when he's walking away from him, no pat beside the couch cushions in invitation either. And though Alec knows there's no reason for it other than Magnus hiding from himself—that this is his _home_ so he doesn't need the invitation—Alec feels a little like he's teetering uncertainly on edge.

Alec comes to a stop a few feet in front of Magnus, observing the awkward way he's holding himself, and is torn between demanding that he talk to him, or talking about the things on his own mind. He knows he's standing rigidly himself, but for all the tension in the room, Alec's not sure he's able to do be any other way.

"So. How was Alicante?" is his cue. Alec's heart beats as he tries to predict Magnus' reaction to his own announcement.

"I was offered a position on the Council," he says, carefully monitoring Magnus' expression before he continues. "A delegate, under the new Consul, Jia Penhallow."

Magnus' expression is a genuine one, Alec thinks, yet when he stands and walks towards him he still knows not to expect that kiss. Magnus is guarded, as though he's arguing with himself to be even more enthusiastic for Alec's good news to ward off the bitterness of his own bad.

"I'm sure your family's proud," Magnus says, and that's Alec's next clue that all is not well. Magnus is forever sending Alec his praise for just about everything; it's telling that he's not using that word about himself this time.

"Actually, I haven't told anyone yet," Alec admits, hoping Magnus understands that he wanted to save this news for him first. That he is the priority in this beyond anything else.

"Why?"

"Well," Alec says, hesitating, fighting back the threat of doubt beginning to creep in, "it would mean moving to Idris."

There's a flash of _something_ in Magnus' eyes. Alec can't quite tell what.

"Isn't that what you've always dreamed of?" Magnus asks, and Alec tells himself he's not even a little upset for it. He could be talking to another person; Alec does _not_ dream of the things he used to before Magnus became his life.

"I've always dreamed of meeting someone like you," Alec blurts out, because it's true, and because he needs Magnus to hear it. He needs to get it out in the open, and put the truth of it in Magnus' mind.

"Oh, I'd only be a Portal away," Magnus says, and that's when it hits Alec. Magnus is so unfazed by this potential parting between them, that Alec's stomach knots for the idea that he's nowhere near as vital to Magnus as Magnus is to him.

"You wouldn't be allowed to visit," Alec reminds him, telling his heart it isn't thudding, pleading with himself not to be hurting when he knows Magnus needs him more right now, even if he won't say it out loud. Devastation hits Magnus' face for a second before he can cover it up, and Alec can continue. "Warlocks are not allowed in Idris."

"Oh, yes," Magnus says, with a hint of _laughter_ in his voice. "The perks of being a Downworlder." It's telling how dazed he is when he takes a gulp from his glass.

Alec's not sure what to say, or think, but before he can add another layer of worry, Magnus is talking again.

"Whether you're in Idris or in New York, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you," Magnus adds then, which Alec knows is supposed to comfort him. "Now, the best martini in the world."

Alec smiles at the glass pushed into his hands, but it fades the second Magnus walks away. He tells himself yet again to not feel hurt by Magnus' lack of reaction, because he knows it's only Magnus protecting himself.

Steeling himself, Alec takes a deep breath, then downs the remainder in the glass in a couple of gulps. And then he's spinning on his heel, and is on Magnus. Wrapping his arm around his waist from behind even as he's putting the glass down on the cocktail table so he can hold him better, dropping kisses into his shoulder as he does.

"I missed you," he mumbles there, soft, though loud enough for Magnus to both feel, and hear.

"I missed you too," Magnus replies, his hands fluttering a little as they settle over Alec's arms.

"You sure about that?" Alec laughs, cursing himself a little for not holding on to his words. He feels Magnus sag in his arms, and his head fall forward, though doesn't prompt him; even though he needs to hear Magnus talk.

"Alexander. I miss you when you're no further away than the Institute."

Magnus' voice is quiet, as though he doesn't trust it to come out any louder for what it might reveal. This new adjustment Magnus is having to get used to with his warlock status; would it have been any different—any easier—if Alec had been with him when he heard the news?

"I love you," Alec tells him, relieved when Magnus begins to turn unprompted in his arms.

Magnus raises his hand to cup his face, staring hard enough at him for Alec to be holding his breath. "I love you too. So much."

Alec smiles, lets out a soft sigh in relief when Magnus leans up to kiss him, losing himself in the feel of their lips pressed together, and the sweep of Magnus' hands over his back.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Alec asks, knowing it might ruin the moment, but needing to get the words out. Needing Magnus to know he is here for him no matter what.

Magnus smiles back at him so warm and full of love that it's impossible not to echo it. "I'm pleased to have you home."

"Oh yeah?" Alec says, hoping the laughter that follows isn't full of the disbelief he feels.

Magnus hums back at him in thought before a glint appears in his eye, and his hands are slipping back down to grip his waist before tangling through Alec's, leading him towards their bedroom, clearly intending to prove those words.

* * *

Alec wakes a few hours later to the coldness of the sheets beside him when he reaches for Magnus. He's sure he can hear Magnus out in the loft in a conversation, and as it's one-sided assumes he's on the phone. Not wanting to interrupt a potential client and not knowing what kind of hours Magnus might now have to keep—as well as still being more than half asleep—Alec wriggles further into the warmth of their covers, and hopes that Magnus can come back to join him soon.

* * *

"When we spoke last night, he was beside himself. Being the High Warlock meant everything to him."

Catarina's words put a fresh erratic beat in Alec's heart, filling it with guilt that he hasn't done more to push Magnus in to talking, yet wounded also that he didn't do so unprompted.

"Really? That's not what he told me," Alec replies, and part of it is in defense, a little hurt that Magnus hasn't been truthful with him. Though it feels better than pretending he knew something Magnus isn't yet ready to share.

Catarina looks at him knowingly, even covers his hand and squeezes it in affection when Jace and Izzy are looking elsewhere. "Give him time," she advises. He silently thanks Catarina for being there for Magnus when he needed to sound out fears he's not ready to share with him yet.

Though what else but time can Alec give him? What else but understanding, space if he needs it, freedom to talk whenever he is ready. But it plays on Alec's mind. He fights it, not wanting to give in to the insecurities that threaten to burden him, argues with himself that it's ridiculous to even be concerned.

There isn't an instinct in him now that tells Alec he should accept the position in Idris. New York, the Institute, and _Magnus_ are where Alec feels he belongs. He ignores the whisper that Magnus feels different, that his apparent indifference about this potential position in Idris is little more than unwavering support. But sometimes, Alec thinks, staring off into the distance when he should be working, he _does_ need a little reassurance. Maybe he will for a while longer yet, since they were nearly parted because they _didn't_ talk.

Alec pushes back from his desk with a groan, giving himself a few seconds before he'll force himself to concentrate. He reaches for his phone, types out a, "just wanted to remind you I love you," and waits for the message to send. Tells himself he isn't holding his breath until he receives an, _I love you too_ back with a string of kisses and hearts. He wants more, he _needs_ more, Alec thinks, wishing he could go home now, but not knowing what time Magnus will finish, and chides himself for being selfish. Swipes his thumb over the smiling face looking up at him from the screen, and forces himself to return to work.

* * *

"You said you were _elated_ they replaced you as High Warlock."

Alec doesn't mean for the words to come out with a tinge of accusation in them like they do, but knows they have done for the look Magnus gives him; even if he's tried to keep his tone neutral.

"Who told you that?" Magnus asks. There's not a hint of denial in his words, and Alec doesn't want to shift the softness of their mood here in the Hunters Moon, where they arrived hand in hand just an hour ago, and have been flirty and playful with one another at the pool table ever since.

"It doesn't matter," Alec tells him, though looks up so Magnus _knows_ he won't let him avoid the conversation a second time.

"I'm sorry, Alexander," Magnus replies, "I just didn't want you to see me like that."

Alec understands, even if he doesn't like that Magnus still feels he needs to hide parts of himself from him. If Magnus doesn't already know he wants every part of him, then, well. Alec's not sure what he's going to have to say or do to prove it.

"You never have to pretend how you feel. Especially not with me."

Magnus' expression is soft for Alec's words, and his response laced with contrition. Alec answers with a smile giving him more room to talk.

"So, have you accepted the position on the Council?" Magnus asks.

Alec groans internally that he's _still_ avoiding the subject, and gestures at the table for Magnus to take his turn, intent on monitoring his expression to his response.

"Not yet. But I told Aline I'd let her know tomorrow."

Magnus lines up his shot, though for the first time since Alec returned from Alicante, his mask is slipping. There's uncertainty, fear, and who knows what else there on display; even for just a few seconds. Alec watches Magnus pull back from the table and listens to the cue being knocked against the floor. There's hesitance in his expression, perhaps a pause where he needs to rehearse his words.

"I don't want you to move to Idris. I know it's selfish, but it's the truth."

Calm begins to flow through Alec, relief that Magnus does want him here; even if deep down he didn't truly doubt it. But he needs to push just a little bit; they promised they'd _talk_ , and though they are working on that communication between them, this is too big a _something_ to not be spoken about.

"Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Because this is your life," Magnus replies, walking around the table towards him. "I didn't want how I felt to affect your decision."

He could squeeze him so tight right now, Alec thinks, try to force away the idea that he isn't _worth_ making a decision with him in mind. Yet he understands completely why Magnus has hesitated so much. So now it's time for a little honesty of his own.

"All I care about is how you feel. I didn't want to go to Alicante without you."

Alec takes a second to pause before continuing.

"But when I brought it up, you acted like you wanted me to go," he says, when what he means is _I heard you say you didn't want me_. All of the insecurity that's been threatening to surface since that conversation crests, then falls away again for the expression on Magnus' face.

Magnus schools it in though, tucks away his vulnerability for some other time. "Guess I'm a better actor than I thought."

Alec wants to call him out on it. He wants to force a conversation, wants Magnus to know that he will always listen when he needs to talk. But there's distress and despair edged around his expression, and Alec recognizes there are too many things still on Magnus' mind for him to find a way out for those particular words just yet.

His face splits into a smile, filled with the love he feels for Magnus. Like he would ever choose to live away from him. Like he even could. Alec closes the gap between them and leans in for a kiss, smiling at the pout that's still on his lips when he pulls back.

"I'm not going anywhere," Alec tells him, resuming their game as though they've been discussing nothing more complicated than the weather. Magnus' smile says it's exactly what he needs to hear, and for now, it's all that Alec needs to get out.


End file.
